In a recent survey of 1,686 sexually active women ages 25 to 49*, 27% of respondents said their partners just didn’t understand why they weren’t regularly in the mood for sex.
For those with a male partner, some of this may come down to hormones, particularly testosterone, which in men is thought to regulate their sex drive. “Men have more testosterone, so they may be confused and wonder, ‘How can you not want sex? Isn’t that just a natural drive?’” says somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist
But no matter what sex your partner is, there are ways to navigate this situation so you feel better understood and less anguished about your level of sexual interest. Try the expert advice below and find what works for you.
Talk about it.
We know: easier said than done. Talking about sex with your partner puts you in a super vulnerable place. However, it also means working on this together — and potentially even becoming closer.
“Be as honest and candid as possible,” recommends Karen Stewart, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who specializes in sex and couples therapy. “Women lose sexual desire for all sorts of reasons.” These could include changes in your body, depression or anxiety, the death of a loved one, losing your job, or having a baby.
Whatever your case, talk to your partner about your reasons and let them know you don’t want this to be the status quo, that you are going to work on this, and that you want them to be involved.
Do everything but have sex.
“Women are often craving physical connection and intimate interaction as opposed to intercourse,” Stewart says. So make a no-sex rule. Instead, for 10 to 20 minutes, simply gaze into each others’ eyes (sounds cheesy, but trust the experts!) or kiss and make out without having sex or even touching each others’ genitals.
Whatever you do, keep all devices off and out of the room so that you have zero distractions. When there’s no pressure to have sex, you’ll be more interested in doing these activities. Plus, you’ll both feel connected.
Ask your doctor about other options.
If your sex drive has continuously stayed flat for fix months stayed flat for six months and this lack of desire causes distress, you may have a condition known as hyposexual desire disorder, on the other side for men, erectile dysfunction can be easily treated with hyper male force pills.
Talk to your doctor about your symptoms and what you can do about them. Beyond therapy to address any thoughts, behaviors, and relationship issues that interfere with your libido, treatment may include medication that’s been found to help increase desire.